


Hold Onto the Moment

by ScienceFantasy93



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Angst and Fluff, M/M, Romance, Sex Dream, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScienceFantasy93/pseuds/ScienceFantasy93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a night of partying, Kendall is forced to accept that he's no longer seeing James as just his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Onto the Moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatonekid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonekid/gifts).



> Whew! Okay, so I'm actually posting this on AO3 instead of putting it up on fanfiction.net. This idea popped into my head a few months ago, I wrote it out really quickly, and then it sat around on my laptop, probably pretty bored. I just remembered it today and decided I better post it somewhere.
> 
> This is dedicated to thatonekid (Dana2184 on fanfiction.net) because she gets really excited when I step away from writing Jatie and instead try my hand at Kames.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Kendall liked to think. It was just something he did. He liked to plot and plan and scheme his way through things. He liked to remain in control, remain the fearless leader, remain everyone's hero. And thoughts played a huge role in keeping his persona, his cool, together.

But in this moment, that didn't matter. Not in the least.

Because the second James licked a stripe up Kendall's throat, all thoughts were forgotten.

It was something Kendall was used to, losing his cool, losing his memory, losing his fucking _mind_ around James. He never had to think twice about what was happening, never had to feel guilty, never had to worry that something was going to happen that would cause the world – _his_ world – to explode in fiery flames, the way Logan was always warning them about.

James shifted above him, teeth nipping and nibbling along Kendall's neck, rubbing his nose along Kendall's jaw line, hissing at the prickle of stubble. And Kendall just laid there, loving it, smirking to himself. He had seen all those girls – and even a few boys – staring at James that night, a look of longing in their eyes as they danced the time away, heads tilting back as they downed shots of tequila, asses shaking, hips gyrating, bodies hot and sweaty and sticky and hard and soft all at the same time as the crowd moved as one, the neon lights in the dance club like UFOs, loud and out of place, flashing bright and blinding.

"James..." Kendall managed to give a weak moan as James' fingers slipped into the waistband of his boxers, hot and rough against his bare skin. His head tilted back as James sank his teeth lightly into his Adam's apple and his hips bucked up, a soft cry echoing through his lungs, vibrating against his tongue.

James didn't say a word, just wrapped his fingers around Kendall and gold stars flashed behind Kendall's eyelids, the world spinning away in a haze, and he couldn't even bring himself to care. The only thing he needed in his world was currently stroking him oh-so perfectly, and Kendall could already feel the all-too familiar heat pooling in his lower stomach. It shouldn't have been possible to already be so close, but when it came to James, everything impossible turned into something to prove wrong, something to figure out. Perhaps it was because James himself should have, by rights, been impossible. He was magical, with the looks of an angel and the voice of a saint, and when he looked at Kendall like that, just like he was doing...fuck.

Kendall's eyes flew open, the dream dissolving, and he groaned. His boxers were sticky and the look James had given him in his dream, the one he had given him for real last night when they had been in that damn club, teasingly grinding their hips together in ways no straight boy ever would, was still flashing across his eyes like a scene playing on repeat on TV.

Kendall glanced over at the bed across the room from his. It was empty and neatly made, the thick blue comforter needle straight, the head of the comforter folded back to reveal crisp white sheets.

It was times like these when Kendall was beyond relieved that he had gotten Logan as a roommate instead of James or Carlos. Logan was a sound sleeper, unlike James, and always rose early, unlike Carlos. Plus, James and Carlos both would have been sure to give Kendall hell about his wet dream, and the last thing he needed was for James to figure out who the dream had been about in the first place.

They were close.

They weren't that close.

He slumped back against his pillows, but was promptly reminded of the fact that he really needed to get cleaned up. It was with reluctance that he pushed the covers back and padded out of his room and into the bathroom.

Once he was as presentable as he ever was, he made his way out into the kitchen, where Logan was flipping pancakes and chatting with Carlos, who was sipping chocolate milk out of a cup with one of those crazy, swirly straw things. James was sitting at the breakfast bar, looking tired, but his weariness couldn't take away from his beauty.

Kendall's mouth suddenly went foamy. He couldn't believe he had just thought of his friend as _beautiful_.

Well, okay, he could. He wasn't entirely sure when the feelings had begun to creep up on him. Probably before they had even left Minnesota, in all honesty. All he knew was that it had begun slowly; he would notice the way James would flip his hair out of his eyes, or how his fingers would grasp his hockey stick. And then he would stop to admire the way James stood proud and tall, even when facing down a formidable opponent. Before long, he was wishing he could get James into his bed, if just for one night, but he knew it wasn't going to happen. Even if James was bisexual or gay – and last night had definitely given Kendall a distinct impression that he was – it wouldn't matter. The band was too important, and if something went wrong in their relationship, Logan and Carlos would be forced to suffer right along with Kendall and James. It just wasn't worth it.

That didn't stop Kendall from imagining the way James would kiss him, or the way he would hitch Kendall's legs around his waist, not as thin or smooth as a girl's, but stronger, more powerful. He could almost feel the roughness of stubble on stubble, or how James would fold into his body, so different from the way Jo used to. Jo was birdlike – James was big and muscular. Jo had seemed delicate, more fragile than an iced flower. James had always appeared sturdy and unmovable, untouchable.

The clink of silverware against porcelain zapped Kendall out of his _poor me_ thoughts. He blinked and realized that James was stirring cream and sugar into a coffee mug. Kendall found himself counting how many spoonfuls of sugar he was dumping in...one...two...three...four...five. And then James was reaching for another mug and dumping in lots of cream, followed by two spoonfuls of sugar.

James beckoned him over, shoving the second mug towards Kendall. "Here, dude. You look like you could use it. No offense, but you look like hell melted over."

Kendall didn't bother to correct James. James probably knew that wasn't the saying, he wasn't as stupid as most people thought, and besides, Kendall was blanking on what it was anyway. Either way, James had made his point.

Kendall reached for the mug and raised the rim to his lips, taking a sip. It was perfect, as he knew it would be. James was the only one he ever let fix his coffee for him because he was the only one who ever did it right. He was the only one in the entire world who knew how much cream to add, or how strong he wanted his coffee, or how much sugar would balance out the flavor. And maybe that was because he understood Kendall in ways that no one else seemed to. It happened when you had been best friends since preschool with someone, it was normal. Natural, even.

Kendall gave James a small smile. "Thanks. It's perfect."

And James beamed, his entire face lighting up at the sound of Kendall's approval, at the idea that he could make Kendall every bit as happy as Kendall made him.

It was the look from last night, the way his eyes just seemed to glow, how his smile stretched across his face so wide it seemed almost too big.

Kendall couldn’t help but wonder if James looked at anyone else like that; if he looked at the girls he took to bed like they were the ones who made the sun rise in the morning, shine in the afternoon, and set at night. He could visualize it all too well: The long, silky hair; the glossy lips; the supple bodies, all voluptuous and curvy with tiny waists and shapely legs. He could see James looking down at them with that same smile, something so beautiful and pure and innocent and breathtaking. Fucking hell. He shouldn't even have been thinking about this when James was still giving him that look.

But the smile was sliding off his face, his eyes growing wide and sad with worry. "Kendall? Are you okay?"

"Mmm hmm." Kendall took another sip of his coffee. "I'm fine."

"Okay..." James continued to gaze at him, clearly skeptical, but Kendall didn't really care. For the time being, James was his and he was James', and while that would end in a few short hours when they would find themselves at their latest album premiere party, where girls would be throwing themselves at him, at least he could have it for the time being.

Because damn it, he was holding onto the moment.


End file.
